This is humor and is meant to be funny and teach some lessons before it’s too late! This is not slanted toward either Democrats or Republicans as I feel they have both let the American people down and have lost touch with free enterprise American Ideals! We would never do in sports what we do as a matter of course in business. Have you ever noticed how business people are portrayed in Hollywood? There is little recognition of their commitment, little celebration of their success, just criticisms for daring to win in a free enterprise business. Free enterprise is designed to separate the wheat from the chaff. If you are not good enough you will fail; until you either get good enough or go into another field better suited for your gifts. No stimulus package will change that! This is a non-negotiable economic law. In the following satire I hope you will enjoy learning that we do not help industry by artificially keeping people in the game who have not earned the favor of the customers!
Democracy has spoken. Sources in our all-powerful government have leaked to the press that HOPE NBA is rolling out. HOPE – Helplessly Out-skilled People Entering – NBA is an important government policy designed to give the less fortunate an opportunity to participate and share every boy’s dream of playing in the National Basketball Association. For years selfish, greedy athletes with skills given to them through little effort of their own have taken most of the headlines and playing time in the NBA. Our government and many American voters became concerned about this blatant inequality. What about all the overweight, out of shape weekend warrior guys like Fred Snodgrass? Fred has never been given his fair playing chance to show the NBA what he can do. Fred played basketball in the 8th grade and he even collected NBA cards before Magic Johnson and Larry Bird made the NBA cool again. It is guys like Fred who bought Cleveland season tickets year after year to support these prima donna athletes. Why can’t people cheer for Fred once in a while? Is that so hard America? Fred is a lifelong fan and felt something should be done! Fred and his HOPE-NBA political action committee, CRYBABIES – (Committee to Restore Your Belief in American Basketball’s Integrity and Equality of Scores) are backed by millions of angry fans and weekend warriors who have vowed to fight until this injustice is corrected. Anyone who can vote can now play in the NBA! Fred and millions of CRYBABIES utilized the democratic process to vote in a government to bring HOPE and CHANGE – (Collective Handouts Allowing No Grounds for Excellence) in the NBA. Fred believed that he could gather enough votes from other CRYBABIES to bring this type of CHANGE and HOPE to the NBA. Fred envisioned a time sharing plan for the NBA. This would allow the men down on their luck to experience the joy of playing in the new HOPE-NBA. The fact that the NBA players voted against this “fair play stimulus package” just proves their selfish hearts and the denial of the equality principle that America stands for today! Fred pointed to the current NBA players’ 100% vote against the stimulus package as further confirmation of government’s need to get involved.
Sources say government bureaucrats are working hard to enforce maximum playing times for the selfish All Pros. This will allow the less gifted and committed the time sharing formula necessary to enjoy the American dream. Pictures of Fred Snodgrass practicing with the Cleveland Cavaliers are making the rounds. Imagine what a fairer world it will be when our American government finally limits Lebron James to a maximum of 25 minutes per game and no more than 12 points per game. Why does any NBA player need to score more than 12 points? When is enough, enough? Our government must teach these selfish prima donnas a lesson in fair play. Any points in excess by the All Pros will be pooled and dispersed in a “redistribution stimulus package” to Fred Snodgrass and the other less fortunate wannabe athletes. Imagine the dignity and self respect Fred Snodgrass will feel when he looks at the statistics and he is averaging 12 points per game just like Lebron James! This is an America worth fighting for – results without sacrifice! CRYBABIES around the country are elated by the latest developments, but many coaches questioned the wisdom of giving weekend warriors so much playing time. One anonymous coach said, “We are faced with international competition that is putting the best of the best on the court night after night. How can we possibly compete when we have CRYBABIES on the court who haven’t played the game at this level?” Government officials replied, “Winning games while American CRYBABIES who are just down on their luck sit in the stands is not American anymore. We have to stop the hurting for everyone, even if it means losing games to other nations to ensure equality in America.” A gleeful Fred Snodgrass was quoted as saying, “For the first time in my life, I feel proud to be an American. I am an NBA player regardless of my lack of basketball gifts and talents. America is now a place where anyone without talent, training, effort, commitment, or size can play in the NBA. All I did was dwell on my hurts and gather up enough other CRYBABIES who are sick of competing against those selfish winners. We utilized the democratic process with our voting and our government did the rest! I am so proud to be an American!”
Season ticket holders for the Cleveland Cavalier have dropped 25%, but the government is proposing a tax on all citizens to make up the difference in lost revenue. If the tax does not generate enough income to pay the CRYBABIES’ salaries, the government will quickly print new money. In the first scrimmage against the Albanian national team, the Americans suffered their first loss ever against this small mountainous country. Fred scored his 12 points, thanks to the stimulus package collected from the excessive points of the All Pros. Lebron James was not available for comment, but sources say that negotiations between the Irish national team and Lebron’s agent are underway. Our government, in anticipation of the greedy athletes, has proposed the building of a wall around the entire United States. This will keep athletes in our country to enjoy the benefits of the new HOPE and CHANGE in the NBA. Our government was concerned that without this wall, only CRYBABIES would want to stay in the country to play American basketball. The Detroit Lions have taken the lead in promoting the same type of HOPE and CHANGE for the NFL. A Detroit Lions official shared his thoughts, “We are sick and tired of attempting to compete against the Pittsburgh Steelers (a greedy group of sports athletes and capitalists) who act like winning trophies is more important than sharing the laurels. The Lions have never won a Super Bowl while the Steelers have six! How is that fair? Many of the less fortunate teams are forming groups to right this obvious wrong. I want to thank our government for having the courage to lead the way in legitimizing this righteous maneuver. In the American past, this was called loser’s envy, but today this is equality! Thanks to our government, the Detroit Lions franchise and our fans will no longer be ashamed to be part of the NFL and wear a Lion’s jersey.” The American Government is meeting with Major League baseball, the NHL, Tiger Woods and Michael Phelps later this month to review joint plans for HOPE and CHANGE. Welcome to the new fairer, non-competitive America.
Brady, Chris; Woodward, Orrin (2009-08-01). Leadership & Liberty: Pieces of the Puzzle (Kindle Location 1329). Obstacles Press, Inc.. Kindle Edition.